Tales from the Crypt: "Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas" (1994)

Horror and the holidays usually don't go together. Halloween is two months behind us, and sitting to watch a scary movie isn't something most people want to do. We horror fans have our usual go-to films ("Black Christmas", "Silent Night, Deadly Night", "Gremlins"... Etc), but when it comes to holiday music, we don't have many options, right?

Not necessarily. In 1994 Capital Records released "Tales from the Crypt: Have yourself a Scary Little Christmas." The album is a spoof of almost every Christmas song you can think of; "Jingle Bells", "The Twelve Days of Christmas", & "‘Twas the Night Before Christmas" are all covered in a spooky/gruesome fashion by the Crypt-Keeper himself.  

I stumbled across a used copy at a record store many years later. When I was a kid, I was a huge Tales From the Crypt fan and attribute it to my love for horror in general, but don't ever recall seeing it in stores or even an advertisement on TV (The show was in its prime at the time.) Nonetheless, I play the album in heavy rotation during the holidays and get a kick out of it every time. Unfortunately it isn't the easiest to find, but can be purchased on Amazon and Ebay for a hefty price (Unless $36 dollars for a CD won't break your bank). On the plus side, if you do a  quick Google/YouTube search you'll find the album in its entirety.  

Here are some of my favorite tracks:

  • Juggle Bills is a parody of Jingle Bells, and describes Santa Claus being completely broke and not able to get everyone presents. It's sorta depressing and hilarious at the same time. Ho! Ho! Ho! 
  • Deck the Walls with Parts of Charlie. The Cryptkeeper goes into graphic detail on how he's going to decorate his home with the limbs and entrails of people. He specifies each person by their name and where he plans on placing their organs. Good stuff!!! 
  • Moe Teitlebaum, a gory take on Oh Christmas Tree, is about an embalmer who embalms the CryptKeeper's entire family while they are still alive. The best part is the name "Teitlebaum" is poking fun at the original German version “O Tannenbaum." 

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the classic Christmas songs/albums like everyone else, but if you've got a morbid sense of humor and want to listen to something a little different, definitely check this out!  

Happy Holidays!!! 


Also Tales from the Crypt's Second episode from their first season titled "And all through the house" takes place on Christmas and involves a killer Santa Clause (Played by Larry Drake aka Dr. Giggles) and it's awesome! 

Don't forget to check out our own Christmas special titled "Something Special" now on YouTube.

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